Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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