just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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