after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
