How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was born a porn star she said
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
