Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
