Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
