hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
