My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
