I'm jealous of your bromance
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
