Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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