My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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