Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
