The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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