My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
