my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
