i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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