perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
