this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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