Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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