It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
