He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
