we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
