Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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