you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
