I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
