we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to make out with him forever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
