your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
