she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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