Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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