Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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