I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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