well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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