Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
