Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize