girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
