i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize