So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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