She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
