they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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