Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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