My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
