How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize