can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
