So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
