The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
