There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
