i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize