When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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