yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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