walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
