The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
