she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
