that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
