Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize