Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
