Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize