Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
