you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
