I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
