Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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