Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
