I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize