i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this just has baby written all over it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
