The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
