I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
