So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
