tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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