what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
