You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
