if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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