3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize