I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize