1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
