I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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