so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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