I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
