love makes seman taste better
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
