She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
