I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize