Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
