Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
