can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this just has baby written all over it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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