I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
