Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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