Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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