He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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