looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
