hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
