well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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