dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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