i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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