Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
