ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
