Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
