Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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