so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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